I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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