I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
