I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
