kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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