Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
