it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
