She tied me up with her honor cords...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
