Whatcha textin bout Willis?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
