is your mom at the bar?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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