I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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