if you like me you must not know who I am
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
