I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
