just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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