Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
