Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
