just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
