Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
babies were throwing up all over the place
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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