our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
