I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
