i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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