Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
