She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
