he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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