Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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