im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
