you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
