we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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