I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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