Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
