The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
