I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
