I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
