Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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