do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
