I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
