I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
