I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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