This house was built for laser tag.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
