I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
