What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
