Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
