You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
