Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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