this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
