had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
