just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
