He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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