i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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