we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
