Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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